Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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