The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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