Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
