i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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