i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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