Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
