dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
