do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
