I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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