so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I enjoy the company of your penis
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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