My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
