I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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