I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
