U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
