just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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