My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
