Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
