she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
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