This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
