My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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