but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
