have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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