Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
