Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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