I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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