he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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