We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
