i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
