just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
