She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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