Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
