i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
