I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
