if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
