i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
