My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize