I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
