did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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