you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
