My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
whose ass print is on the piano?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
