im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
