Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
