I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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