Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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