I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
