I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I just found puke in my bra..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
