peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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