we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
third nipple confirmed
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
