I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
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