What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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