I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
