just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He uses pillows to masturbate.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dick very happy bro
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
