youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I love having hate sex.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
