dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
