i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Randomize
