so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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