I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
