He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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