Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Randomize
