Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Come see our sink grown plant.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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