your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
