the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
