Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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