Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
