Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
