There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Barsexuality is the new black.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Ketchup is God's man juice
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
