took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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