I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
