Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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