I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
