in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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