So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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