Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
