I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
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