She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
