If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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