she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
