let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
