I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Who died my cat blue again?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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