Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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