Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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