she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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