he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
