Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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