People with herpes should wear stickers.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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