Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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