I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
