Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
