I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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