I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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