so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
