As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
