my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
