I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
