I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
