Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
