"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
