And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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